Sometimes you can overcome your struggles very easily. However, if you experienced trauma while you were very young, then those thoughts and feelings could have been beyond your ability to resolve at that time which might have caused you overwhelming frustration.
Unbeknownst to you, in an effort to avoid the constant icky thoughts and feelings, when you wanted to avoid those feelings, you ended up avoiding your ability to heal too!
Your icky feelings are a part of you and they have just as much right to be there as the really high vibration feelings of love and joy.
We all carry some icky feelings from our past that’s unresolved which stay with us all our lives UNTIL we make a decision to release it and let it go from us completely.
Usually, when icky feelings come up we either act-out of them OR do a complete bypass on it by ignoring it.
Did you know that ‘acting out of’ and ‘ignoring’ your icky feelings are BOTH equally not addressing your emotions – so you’re still suppressing them?
You must be wondering how “acting-out of” a feeling/thought suppressing it…?
Well let’s examine some of the icky thoughts/feeling that we might act-out of:
Jealousy when we think/feel we don’t measure up to someone else, SO we act out and accuse the other person of not giving us the attention we deserve.
Scarcity when we think/feel there isn’t enough for everyone to go around, SO we get really protective and territorial about something or someone.
Anger when we think/feel that what just happened was meant to be a personal jab at us, SO we retaliate to protect our ego and establish our boundaries.
When you get these feelings of jealousy, scarcity, or anger these are emotions that occur on the surface only. If you peel back the layers and go deeper to the root of what’s actually causing them to come up for you then you’ll notice that at the root of jealous, scarcity, or anger is a fear of abandonment and rejection.
So when you ‘act-out of’ OR ‘ignore’ that first layer of emotion then you haven’t actually engaged and connected with your emotions at a deeper level – at its root cause.
So here’s the interesting part, your thoughts and feelings carry energy with it. AND if you’re suppressing them then the energy they carried expresses itself through you in a way you can’t control. BUT regardless that energy is going to be expressed.
Your icky emotions manifest in the following ways if your suppressing them and not allowing them to heal:
Chronic pain felt in different parts of your body.
Expressed through a need to overeat.
Need to always keep yourself busy doing something.
Always be in a relationship… you can’t be single.
Drink alcohol when you’re out socializing (or alone).
Take drugs with your friends (or alone).
Take frequent smoke breaks.
Develop anxiety and it pops-up as you’re going about your day.
Develop a fear of intimacy.
Develop a fear of commitment.
Falling into depression.
How does depression show up? When you’ve gone too long suppressing some of your icky feelings. Then it creates an overwhelming amount of unaddressed emotions that all boil up, because there are so many emotions that all come up at the same time boiling over consistently then, as a result, all of your feelings become a wash. It’s your defense mechanism that kicks in and makes you numb to all of your emotions.
How does fear of commitment show up? You’re not committing to yourself, in other words, you hold back from giving to yourself out of this deep fear of being disappointed. This gets projected into your outer world experience and you fear commitment either to a person or a thing. Initially, you’re going to perceive it as you being afraid of failure, but actually, you might be battling a fear of disappointment. Someone close to you might have disappointed you and you might have internalized it as being your own failure. So what is this thing that you’re not giving yourself? You’re not giving yourself permission to feel JOY!
How does fear of intimacy show up? You get into relationships that don’t have a deep emotional connection. You might have things in common and a great surface-level connection and even great sex, but not a deeply intimate connection.
How does substance abuse OR overeating kick-in? You want to feel good, don’t you? Consuming those makes you feel good. The chemicals your brain releases then create within you this pattern of false rewards systems. You consume -> you feel good -> you zero in on the fact that consuming that felt good -> you rely on it as a crutch to feel good.
How does chronic pain show up? It can show up in the form of headaches, or back pain, or joint pain, or loss of hearing, or a disease, IBS, etc.
So feeling your feelings allows you to let go and heal!
Letting go doesn’t involve digging into the past and searching for icky thoughts and feelings. BUT it does involve you being mindful when those icky feelings do surface for you.
Here’s what you do when it does surface:
Notice it without passing judgment on yourself or your situation
Really listen to what your feelings are telling you – peel back to layers
Now shower that part of you with LOVE that’s feeling those feelings
Give yourself permission for those feelings to be a part of you
Allow yourself to let go and move on. Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in this place. SO after a cooling-off period, give yourself something else to put your attention towards that brings you joy!
Stay tuned for my next blog post on how to express your feelings in an effective way. It will highlight the key ‘To Do’s’ and ‘Not To Do’s’ .