Why do we tend to get negative thought patterns that cloud our minds when we’re trying out something new?
Whether it be a new relationship or a new life experience, we often have a voice in our head that tries to speak “reason” to us when we are caught in an uncomfortable situation.
This “uncomfortable situation” could even be something we willingly signed up for like an acting class, or a job, or a new relationship. Yet the moment we feel as though we are outside of our comfort zone we innately panic and go straight into fight-or-flight mode.
We may find ourselves giving into negative thought patterns in order to “reason” our way out of the situation. Basically, we’re subconsciously building a case with our negative thoughts in order to find reasons to quit. In other words, we choose “flight” instead of staying and fighting through the discomfort.
So, what does that look like…?
Here are some scenarios to help illustrate:
You’re in a new relationship and everything is going really well, but you begin to have doubts about whether or not this is going to be an everlasting relationship.
You begin to think of reasons why your relationship will ultimately fail. (Example: You think you’re not interesting enough.)
The small discomforts you feel are projected and magnified into something bigger than it actually is. (Example: You feel that he’s cheating on you.)
You begin to feel slight anxiety and at times it becomes unmanageable which lead you to behavein ways that slowly sabotage the relationship. (Example: You call him incessantly and accuse him of being unfaithful.)
You have a new job and everything is going really well, but you begin to have doubts about whether or not you are fit for this role and live up to your employer’s expectations.
You begin to think of reasons why you’re not cut out for this job and why you will ultimately get fired. (Example: You think you’re not as good as your peers.)
The small discomforts you feel are projected and magnified into something bigger than it actually is. (Example: You feel that your boss is not satisfied with your work.)
You begin to feel slight anxiety and at times it becomes unmanageable which lead you to behavein ways that slowly sabotage your work and productivity. (Example: You start to call in sick and your interactions with your boss and coworkers begin to deteriorate.)
You signed up for an acting class as a fun activity for yourself and everything is going really well, but you begin to have doubts about whether or not you will perform well during the class exercises.
You begin to think of reasons why your acting is terrible and how you will ultimately be a disappointment. (Example: You think you lack skills.)
The small discomforts you feel are projected and magnified into something bigger than it actually is. (Example: You feel that your classmates dislike being paired up with you.)
You begin to feel slight anxiety and at times it becomes unmanageable which lead you to behave in ways that slowly sabotage your performance. (Example: You start to shut down to the teacher’s instructions and become irritable to work with .)
Being in a fight-or-flight mode is actually useful when you are confronted with a situation where you literally have to decide whether you’re going to stay and fight or flee from the situation.
So unless you’re actually in an abusive relationship, or in a job that is completely unfulfilling, or doing an activity that doesn’t actually bring you joy – THEN there’s no reason why you shouldn’t stick around through the discomfort and allow yourself to evolve and feel the next phase of this new experience.
My 1st advice to you is to: mind your words… I can’t emphasize this enough! You have to immediately stop speaking in ways that are self-sabotaging. Any word you speak that’s limiting you and putting you down, you must stop that. You don’t need to be your own worst critic – you don’t. You also don’t have to let in other people’s criticism of you either. Constructive feedback is different when someone is genuinely offering feedback that will help you improve. However, pure criticism is destructive and you should not let that in. Remember to start with yourself first, you don’t be your own worse critic and set a good example for others on how they should treat you. Choose kind and encouraging words for yourself and others around you. I promise you will feel much more confident and happier!
My 2nd advice to you is to: have faith in yourself… At the root of everything… and I mean EVERYTHING… is your belief system. You literally operate based on your programming – in other words, your beliefs. WHEN you believe that you’re good enough, that you’re capable, and that you’re worthy, THEN you’ll start behaving more confidently. The confidence that you’ll radiate will reflect a deep sense of love, respect and appreciation for yourself and that’s essential, because it allows you to have positive relationships with yourself and others, as well as positive life experiences.
If you can apply these two pieces of advice then soon you’ll have corrected your old pattern of fight-or-flight and you’ll have developed your new pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviours that reflect your new positive energetic state.